More than 55 years ago I experienced sexual abuse. As a 7 year old boy I was harassed in the dark by a man in a long coat, having me touch his penis. Although this might seem a small incident, it had a huge impact on my life. It was not the only incident. Somewhere along the line I experienced a form of energetic abuse. Where the first experience left a vivid image, still I can feel physical what happened. The other time has a blurry memory, where I felt the strong sexual desire of someone to abuse me. In an energetic way, it already took place, not leaving physical sensations, but an energetic imprint.
The tools I worked with, around sexual abuse, where Reiki and Inner Child work. My best friend and Sister in Australia helped me a lot to go through the many layers of the abuse. It’s not only the emotions of the fact itself, like disgust, fear and disbelieve. Also not being able to talk to anybody about it. The feelings of loneliness with my story, feelings of it being my fault and many others.
Healing Sexual abuse
In time, after disclosure, I was able to heal myself, deal with all the emotions and get the energy out of the situations. I remember the numerous occasions I was talking to my inner child about all the feelings he still had around the abuse. Oh boy, what did he suffer all that time.
It’s not over yet. My sexual energy has been distorted for a long time, not only because of the incidents, but also because of the shame and blame that happened around my sexuality as a young kid wanting to know the difference between boys and girls, as at home we only had boys and during my schooling sexes were strictly separated.
I’m still dealing with my male energy as I have not trusted this energy since I was a child. Now I’m at the level where I am working with my male energy to start trusting it again and find the inner harmony with both my masculine and feminine energies.
What helped me a lot with the sexual abuse, was the change of perspective, from being a victim to the spiritual perspective of having chosen for this experience from a soul perspective. This took me out of the victimhood to a more empowered place. When I chose for this, then what am I supposed to do with it? One of the things is to talk about it, bring it to the light and support others with similar experiences. This is starting to happen.