Someone asked me a question recently, “You hide yourself behind al kinds of sayings on your facebook pages, mainly for young women, what do you want to achieve with that?”.
First, I’m an empath, I feel and I feel a lot, already my whole life. For a large part of my life I was unconscious of me being empathic. Having to deal with feelings not only of my own but of the people around me, I just didn’t know. As a kid I always lost fights, I couldn’t hurt an other human being.
In my childhood I experienced sexual abuse and was shamed and blamed for my sexuality and as an adolescent I developed a sex addiction. I never harmed a person because of that. Fortunately I had a lot of safe guards around it. But still, watching pornography is abusive on an energetic level, I know now. I have been incredibly lonely in my childhood, not being able to talk about what happened to me.
Over the last decade or so I was able to resolve a lot of my patterns around sexuality, but the journey still continues. Still I feel the desire to fully balance my masculine and feminine energies. I haven’t trusted my masculine energy since I was a kid. I recently found out, the energy of my abuser was a familiar male energy, so no wonder.
Do I hide myself? Not anymore, I put my story out there a couple of days ago, after my dear friend Meg had the guts to tell her story publicly. That is why I’m writing this story, because the world needs to know how damaging uncontrolled and violent expression of male sexual energy can be.
I’m a man, a human being with the attributes of a man, a penis and more. The ability to penetrate. That is why I feel that I as a man have a great responsibility agains women, who receive, who are extremely vulnerable. I know I made my mistakes. In wars, man have not only used swords and guns. Men also used their penis to show their power and humiliated women. This is still happening all over the world.
Even I as a man feel vulnerable in the masculine society we live in, I feel ashamed by the way men speak amongst each other about women. They have no clue about the sacredness of women, they have no clue about the creative forces harnessed in a woman’s body. When they start to know and are able to respect it, the world will be a different place.
When I work with young women, I feel the hurt of being a woman in a masculine society, especially here in Peru, South America. The pain I feel goes back many generations as woman have been seen as inferior to men. They are still being seen and treated that way. I also hear the stories of abuse and feel the energy that is in some men I encountered. Not all, I also met some very sensitive men. The women I see in my Reiki and Inner Child workshops are not there just by accident. Many times I had tears in my eyes feeling what was going on.
So, what do I want to achieve with that? That, is working with young women and posting uplifting messages on my facebook page.
I feel, part of my purpose is to support the light in this world. The way I do this at the moment, is giving my classes. The other part has to do with women. Working with them, I realise, is also about healing myself, redefining my relationship between my inner masculine and feminine. I know I have my flaws and they are part of my wholeness. The other part is contributing to the balance of the male and the female in our societies.
Of course the balance is about both men and women, but men are for me not so approachable as women. Probably because I still have problems trusting my own and other male energies. But also because of the harsh energy many man carry. So, working with women I feel much more comfortable and I also feel this is the way for me at the moment. The stronger and more self confident women are, the more they take their power, the more the balance will shift. I also feel I will be working with men in the future.
Working with the wounded inner child, Bethany Webster talks about “The Mother Wound” and this is the inherited subordinate feelings of women through the generations in the masculine society. I raise this subject in all my workshops, more than 80% of my participants is female.
As an empath I feel the hurt of many generations when I’m working with women and I have the feeling I understand. In the lifetimes I had on the planet, I experienced all, the good and the bad, the victim and the perpetrator, all shades of grey. This knowing is there for me, so I know deep inside the horrors women have gone through.
Now it is time to contribute and dedicate my time and energy to support restoring the balance. In there is the Light, there is where the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine can emerge and blend and spark the Divine Light that illuminates Heaven on Earth. I feel in all my bones that this is going to happen. It’s not a matter any more of if, but when.